I forgot to mention the ants in the closet

I had a phone call last night with my future hopeful roommate. The conversation was later described by a friend as "the weirdest flatmate interview ever." Here are a few bullet points from that conversation:

• The water heater is broken again, and the guy who knows how to fix it has a kidney stone and is in South Africa getting treatment. I can get it fixed when he returns.
  
• Only two burners work on the stove, but I can get that fixed, too. I've been reluctant to call the man who I know is able to fix it; he ran off with some of my money last year.
• The oven has seen better days, but it's hygienic.
  
• The house technically has two bathrooms, but functionally it's really 1.5. You'll understand what I mean when you see your bathroom.
  
• Bugs have largely been eradicated, and not without risk to my personal health and sanity. There are no rats, but we do have lots of geckos, which are harmless unless they get too close to your toothbrush (salmonella).
  
• There is no TV, but we have a bookshelf made out of an old fishing boat (on loan from a friend). We are also next to the road, which is its own source of drama.
  
• We don't have pets, but there is a monitor lizard in our attic (his name is Monte). We also have giant ants which clean their whiskers and are otherwise reminiscent of cats.
• None of the clocks in the house work, but punctuality isn't exactly an issue here.

At the time, I thought I was making the house sound quite favorable compared to many homes in town. But as my friend later pointed out, my potential roommate is still in the states, and issues of this nature are not often discussed during these calls. Let's just hope I didn't scare her away...